she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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