It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
