i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Randomize
