i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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