She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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