highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
