I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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