OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
