cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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