I haven't been this sober since birth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
