her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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