my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
