you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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