Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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