I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
