this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
