I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
