Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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