Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
