The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
