Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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