Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
