KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
