I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
