what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
