If i come over, it means nothing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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