You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
