Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
