it hurts more in the daytime
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.