Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
