I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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