There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole