tell your sister to shave her snatch
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
