Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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