pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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