she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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