I'm gonna have a badass scar
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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