im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
