After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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