so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
