oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
