And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
