you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
