I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
