This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
