Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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