she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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