remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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