What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
