Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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