Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yo dont text me then not text me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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