its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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