Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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