I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
