If i come over, it means nothing
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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