my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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