wrigley field is MILF paradise
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
