a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
