you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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