Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
