Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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