Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
