did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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