Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
