I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
