Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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