I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
