Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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