Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
