There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
